(My Utmost for His Highest – October 11)
Has God trusted you with HIS silence, a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answer. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself.
Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible with absolute silence, not silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation.
If God has given you a silence, the praise Him. He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, “I asked God to give me brad, but He gave me a stone instead”. He did not give you a stone and today you find that He gave you the “bread of life”.
A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious. It gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, “I know that God has heard me.” His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy – silence!
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My note:
I am wounded and broken heart…
So, God… I am wondering and really want to know, who’s the woman in Your mind when you created me? It’s a repeatedly question that occupied my mind lately. As it has been so tiring months, overwhelming as I said many times lately. Last night again I wept. I was just too tired. And really do not understand, why You put me on this situation… I prayed and pray for many things that I need so much. But nothing happens. God is just silent. I’ve been trying and I am trying hard to stand still, to keep on my faith and trust God that He has specific plan for me. But You know, it’s not always that easy to do that. When it comes to the uncertainty then I feel nothing but tired. All the “godly words” could not comfort me anymore. My soul was still restless.
In the late couple week, it’s been a roller coaster emotionally for me. I’ve been in great fear, joy, pain, laugh, tears and also there was time when I just feel so flat…dreary. Yeah, I was tired and I am tired.
I do realize that whatever I got now, whoever I am now, has nothing to do with my work. Not because of my good deeds, not because I follow Your will and not because I work for You. It’s simply because You love me, so much. However, there are times when I questioned Your plan for my life. Are You so sure that I am strong enough to bear all the troubles that come to my life?
When I decided to leave my old life, God, move out from my comfort zone and work for You, fulltime, I did delete some of my dreams, put aside almost all my dreams. Then I was trying to make other dreams, the simple dreams that I thought would be in line with Yours. But now, why do I feel that even those simple dreams are tumbling down, fade away… it just hurts me so much. Why do You let it happen to me? Am I not patient enough to wait till Your perfect time comes? Do I make my own plan and not follow Yours? Do I move out from the right track? Then what will it be like if I follow Yours and keep on the right track? What else would I find beside all these difficulties, tears and despair that are in my heart now? When will it stop Lord? When will You say “no more” to me? No more as I had kept my faith and in the right track. You said that you will always be with me until the end of my journey. Could someone say to me that “wherever and whenever your journey will end, I always bid for your victory, Adelina.”
O Lord, I really hope You are not just silent on me. Please do something to strengthen me, as I know I will not make it without You. Now I will not think what the good things that will follow my faith, no. What I am thinking now is just the strength, the strength to live my life one day at the time. Just one day at the time Lord, as for me now, every single day, every hour every minute every second is a struggle. At the end of the day when I go to sleep I thank God for the day that has passed and I still have strength to put a smile on my face. For all the problems that I am facing now, then it’s really a miracle…a smile on my face and fight to keep it on my face for the following day. It is a struggle and also a miracle…
