She: Hey, how are you now?
Her: I am doing so well today. It’s very nice morning time after months without nice morning breeze like this. Love it!
She: So, you’re feeling good then today?
Her: Yup and I hope really hope it will last till the end of this day. I don’t ask it to be last forever, even off course I want it. But I am learning now to take my life just one day at a time. It is just too much to bear all in the same time.
She: I know…
Her: Yeah…
She: So, what is it that you try to fight for now…
Her: My feeling… my bad feelings…
She: About?
Her: You know what it is about, don’t you…
She: Relationship?
Her: Yes…
She: Him?
Her: Yes…
She: What are you thinking about it?
Her: I don’t know…
She: Why you don’t know?
Her: Because I don’t know exactly what I want from this relationship… Because I did try to find “something strong” in that relationship, but I couldn’t find it… Because I actually really want to find that “something” between us but I think I couldn’t find it… and it’s exhausted…
She: and why are you trying so hard for it?
Her: Because I think I am sad about the fact that I couldn’t find it…
She: What are you feeling now?
Her: I don’t know but I know I miss him… so badly…
She: Oh dear…
Her: I know… I mess it up…
I always think that he’s not fair to me. He puts me on such a difficult state that I have no idea how to respond. In fact, when I look in to myself, I also put him in an uncertain state. I know I will not be able to answer with very right words if it comes to the question “do you really love him?”
She: Why?
Her: Because that’s what I feel. I don’t know if I love him and really in love with him or not. You know, there are times (many times) I know I miss him badly… I want to be with him, share his pain, share his happiness, support him in his hard job, remind him of his health condition… you know something that make “you mean something” for him. I love doing those things for him. And those things that now I can’t do for him, that makes me feel sad…
She: If I ask you now : “do you really love him?”
Her: Then my answer is “I don’t know….”
She: do you miss him now?
Her: Yes, so bad…
She: You wanna be with him?
Her: Yes… It’s been 5 days since the last time I heard his voice talking to me over the phone. It’s been so very long since the last time I got his email or message in YM. So, somehow, I feel he’s getting far away from me. Even 2 weeks ago we had good time together. Still I feel the distance is getting far. Something definitely has changed. That makes me floating…don’t really know what I am supposed to do.
She: But, you are now trying hard to let him go, right? You are trying hard not to contact him first and it is something for you…
Her: I know… I know maybe he’s thinking now about something that has changed in me. Maybe that’s what he wishes for? Everyday I struggle with the urge to contact him. And until 5 days I could resist. But how about today or tomorrow? Can I still keep silent on him?
She: are you expecting news from him?
Her: Yes, I’m waiting his email or ym or phone call… and most likely I will not get any of it unless I do it first…
She: You wanna do it first?
Her: Honestly… I am thinking about it…
She: You know dear… you know you don’t want to let him go from your life. You know you want this relationship…
Her: yeah, you are right… I want this relationship… I love him… even though I’m not really sure I am in love with him or not… but I know I love him….
She: Yes, you do…
Her: It’s hard… I’m in the crossroads? Yes, I think I am….
