“God, how long do I have to pray for him?” that was the question I asked God two days ago (17/10). That was not the first question. There were some similar questions before. But still no answer from God until yesterday (18/10). Wow, that was fast God…
1,5 years I know him.
9 months since the first time I met him
5 months since the first night I prayed for him.
Many things happened during 5 months praying.
Whatever the answer God is about to give me, I know it will be the best and the perfect one.
Many lesson learnt during that 5 months. I found that it is easier to just put him on the table and pray, without holding him in my arms.
I love talking about him, and I found that the best way talking about him is talk to God.
I found the best thing to do when I miss him is pray for him, lift him up to God.
I found that it is easy to feel the joy just by thinking of him.
Now, 5 months already, again I asked God the same question, “how long…”.
And this time I sense God is about to answer it.
I try to think the possibilities of the answer.
Then the next question is “Do I have a right to be angry when the answer is not like what I want?”
Absolutely not… I do not have any right to be angry, because I do not know what the best for my life is, but my God does know. All that is good and perfect comes from God. So, again, I just put him on the table. If God says no, that he is not the one then it will not hurt me when God take him out of the table. [strange: why I could not find a words to write what if God says yes, he is the one…]
I wish, as I put him on the table, with my dreams and my hopes, God will -again- make it easier for me to let him go.
O God, I pray for this…. please, take care of my heart, as I can’t do it by myself…
